post-teenage angst

For some naive reason, I always thought that all those silly things like crushes and being afraid to tell someone how you feel ended with being a teenager. I was so wrong. It gets harder... I find myself getting more guarded, more scared, more cautious. What is it about us that makes it so hard to be vulnerable to others? What gives us that fear? Rejection, of course, royally sucks. But why this fear of rejection? rationally, we tell ourselves: i would never want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I don't think my heart necessarily agrees yet. and so I sit here, thinking...waiting...debating...should i tell you? you have unknowingly broken through the barriers...and now, will you take care?

Feeling: dramatic
listening to: Serena Ryder - Hiding Place

sitting waiting wishing...

I'm obviously rather bored. so I did an online personality quiz...

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

philosophical questions

Kameko: and....yeah...
Catherine: ok...moving on then - so who else thinks that smurfette was a slut?
Susanne: Wasn't someone telling me about having a toy of smurfette holding a baby smurf?
Catherine: Yup, that was me
Kameko: I thought smurfs were asexual
Catherine: Not if there was a smurfette
Susanne: yeah
Kameko: so you think smurfette had it going on?
Catherine: well that would make sense, no? if she had a kid?
Susanne: I guess that's one of those great questions that we'll just never know the answer to.

Mood: unfocused, yet happy
listening to: The Cure - Close to Me

torn

you're in my thoughts, my dreams. I sit here replaying our conversations and wondering if you're thinking of me. how do you feel? what do you want? We talk, we laugh, overdosing on coffee, moving easily from serious to silly. i steal glances at you. do you feel them? are you doing the same? I silently debate in my head whether or not to voice the range of emotions going through me while we chat. should i say something? do you want to hear what i have to say? feel what i feel? it is so different, and yet so comfortable. i don't know what i want. but i keep thinking of you.

I am an...

Your Seduction Style: Ideal Lover

You seduce people by tapping into their dreams and desires. And because of this sensitivity, you can be the ideal lover for anyone you seek. You are a shapeshifter - bringing romance, adventure, spirituality to relationships. It all depends on who your with, and what their vision of a perfect relationship is.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

That's right people. oh yeah. i rock.

wordsmith?

I've been called a lot of things in my life, but never really a wordsmith. so why now, you ask? well well well, dear reader. there are a plethora of reasons. Among them include: boredom, a need to connect to someone out there, to reveal my inner child, and basically, to vent. there is a way in which the anonymity of blogging, knowing that these words are out there somewhere that gives me some feeling of satisfaction. that although I may not be a teacher or a parent, I still have the opportunity to warp young minds. it also allows the exhibitionist in me to come out. plus, this is a good replacement for my missives of the "observations" series. ok ok fine. i just wanna shoot my mouth off.


mood: restless
listening to: sitting waiting wishing - Jack Johnson