4 things

I saw this on Danyel Smith's blog, Naked Cartwheels and thought it was a cool idea. Plus, it's exam season, so we all know what that means...yes, people, AN INCREASE IN PROCRASTINATION!! Woot!

So here's my list of 4 Things:

4 jobs I’ve had

1. Snap repair person for my dad's company (basically, at the age of 13, my father hired me to use this thingy in his warehouse to reinforce the snap buttons of shop coats)
2. Piano Teacher
3. Retail Sales at a sporting goods store
4. Administrative Assistant at a corporate law firm

4 DVDs I can keep watching

1. Pretty Woman
2. March of the Penguins
3. Shawshank Redemption
4. In the Mood for Love

4 places I wish I had [or intend to] live[d]

1. Paris, France
2. Manhatten, NY
3. somewhere along the Cote D'Azure (pretty much anywhere along the Meditteranean)
4. Barcelona, Spain

4 TV shows I watch

1. Six Feet Under
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. (shamefully) America's Next Top Model
4. The L Word

4 places I’ve traveled

1. Hong Kong
2. Vatican City
3. Alexandria, Egypt
4. Jerusalem, Israel

4 websites I visit daily

1. New York Times
2. Google (or I would know nothing!)
3. The Guardian
4. Hey Loopy Loopy

4 foods I love

1. the sush
2. lamb poopsicles at Vij's
3. Pan-seared foie gras
4. my mom's onion roast duck


4 early musical influences

1. George Michael/Wham!
2. Prince
3. Michael Jackson
4. Madonna

4 bloggers I’m nudging
1. Hey Loopy Loopy
2. A Chinaman of Average Intellect
3. Dirty Bird
4. and that's about it for personal bloggers

ok - enough for now. time to get back to work.

feeling: alright
listening to: Damian Rice

now

i read this last night:

"What you are is what you have been, what you will be is what you do now."

just be

the past couple of months have been challenging for me, feeling somewhat lost in life, floundering, in a way. I lost all motivation to do work, questioned my relationship til no end (and drove myself insane at times), stopped doing anything physical, ate crap and at bad times, and basically let myself float through the procedures of life. my worst fear occurred: I became complacent and ambivalent. I even went to a therapist. and it was there that I had a revelation. when she was suggesting that i return, I realized that:

1. my life ain't that bad. actually it's pretty great.
2. i can't control everything. I can only do my best.
3. this too, shall pass

and then *poof*: i got some perspective and slowly but surely, my motivation is returning. I went to my first yoga class in 3 weeks today. it was brutal. i know my shoulders and chest will be aching tomorrow. but it's gonna rock. as the weather gets nicer, i'm planning on busting out the bike.

i think i needed those months of questioning, and while i spent a lot of time questioning and very little time getting any answers, it was therapeutic. I learned some things about myself - like that i'm neurotic, but only because i care so much. That i can love without absolute need. that i need to communicate and trust that i can. that i don't really know what i want to be when I grow up, but that's ok. that there is such a thing as too much compromise. that i may never know all the answers.

and so, armed with this newfound knowledge, I embark on my quest for the next 5 weeks til the end of exams, to accompish this heavy task of to-dos:

1. wake up before 9 every day (unless there's a sleepover involved)
2. eat at regular mealtimes
3. finish my paper by April 5
4. start reading federalism
5. stop reading 50 times into every single thing, and then have a circular conversation in my head
6. do yoga at least 3 times a week
7. trust myself more
8. trust my relationship more
9. be more friendly (try being a "hi" whore)
10. procrastinate less
11. eat out less and cook more
12. be thankful for the things that make me happy and have the discipline to not stress over the things i can't control
13. stop clinging to who i think i "should be" or who "i am" and just be.

and so that is my new mantra: just be

*deep breath*

ready? you bet.

feeling: reflective
listening to: Joseph Arthur - In the Sun

falling for someone = chocolate?

Someone asked me the other day how long the balloon and I have been together, and I realized that we have almost been together for 6 months. Not a ridiculously long period of time, i know, but still a milestone for me. kind of like a personal best. it's been 6 months of "new" for me - lots of transition and growth; learning my needs and wants; learning how to communicate. it's been difficult at times; taken some time to get into some sort of a rhythm - but i don't think i've ever liked anyone else as much as this balloon (see balloons), or have been as emotionally invested. this is the longest relationship i've ever been in, and after 6 months, i still get butterflies :)

and while i know that if this relationship were to end (though i would be devastatingly crushed), i'll survive and that I would learn to be happy again (i was capable of being happy before, right?). but there's a way in which this relationship has changed me; has made me richer, more courageous, and more honest with myself. I figure it's a lot like discovering chocolate:

before i ever had chocolate, i was fine. in fact, i was great. i was happy with candy and ice cream, playing with my Mr. Potato Head on the couch. but then, one fateful day, i had chocolate. and it was amazing. i mean, i had heard from my friends that it was amazing, and not that i doubted them, but i had no idea that it was THAT amazing. so amazing that i had no idea how i had lived without it before. and now i want chocolate everyday. and i can't go back or remember what life was like before i discovered chocolate.

ok - so chocolate doesn't necessarily make me more honest with myself, but you get the gist. and i can remember my life 8 months ago before i met this balloon, but i like my life better now with the string tied onto my wrist :)

listening to: Postal Service - Be Still My Heart