just be
the past couple of months have been challenging for me, feeling somewhat lost in life, floundering, in a way. I lost all motivation to do work, questioned my relationship til no end (and drove myself insane at times), stopped doing anything physical, ate crap and at bad times, and basically let myself float through the procedures of life. my worst fear occurred: I became complacent and ambivalent. I even went to a therapist. and it was there that I had a revelation. when she was suggesting that i return, I realized that:
1. my life ain't that bad. actually it's pretty great.
2. i can't control everything. I can only do my best.
3. this too, shall pass
and then *poof*: i got some perspective and slowly but surely, my motivation is returning. I went to my first yoga class in 3 weeks today. it was brutal. i know my shoulders and chest will be aching tomorrow. but it's gonna rock. as the weather gets nicer, i'm planning on busting out the bike.
i think i needed those months of questioning, and while i spent a lot of time questioning and very little time getting any answers, it was therapeutic. I learned some things about myself - like that i'm neurotic, but only because i care so much. That i can love without absolute need. that i need to communicate and trust that i can. that i don't really know what i want to be when I grow up, but that's ok. that there is such a thing as too much compromise. that i may never know all the answers.
and so, armed with this newfound knowledge, I embark on my quest for the next 5 weeks til the end of exams, to accompish this heavy task of to-dos:
1. wake up before 9 every day (unless there's a sleepover involved)
2. eat at regular mealtimes
3. finish my paper by April 5
4. start reading federalism
5. stop reading 50 times into every single thing, and then have a circular conversation in my head
6. do yoga at least 3 times a week
7. trust myself more
8. trust my relationship more
9. be more friendly (try being a "hi" whore)
10. procrastinate less
11. eat out less and cook more
12. be thankful for the things that make me happy and have the discipline to not stress over the things i can't control
13. stop clinging to who i think i "should be" or who "i am" and just be.
and so that is my new mantra: just be
*deep breath*
ready? you bet.
feeling: reflective
listening to: Joseph Arthur - In the Sun
1. my life ain't that bad. actually it's pretty great.
2. i can't control everything. I can only do my best.
3. this too, shall pass
and then *poof*: i got some perspective and slowly but surely, my motivation is returning. I went to my first yoga class in 3 weeks today. it was brutal. i know my shoulders and chest will be aching tomorrow. but it's gonna rock. as the weather gets nicer, i'm planning on busting out the bike.
i think i needed those months of questioning, and while i spent a lot of time questioning and very little time getting any answers, it was therapeutic. I learned some things about myself - like that i'm neurotic, but only because i care so much. That i can love without absolute need. that i need to communicate and trust that i can. that i don't really know what i want to be when I grow up, but that's ok. that there is such a thing as too much compromise. that i may never know all the answers.
and so, armed with this newfound knowledge, I embark on my quest for the next 5 weeks til the end of exams, to accompish this heavy task of to-dos:
1. wake up before 9 every day (unless there's a sleepover involved)
2. eat at regular mealtimes
3. finish my paper by April 5
4. start reading federalism
5. stop reading 50 times into every single thing, and then have a circular conversation in my head
6. do yoga at least 3 times a week
7. trust myself more
8. trust my relationship more
9. be more friendly (try being a "hi" whore)
10. procrastinate less
11. eat out less and cook more
12. be thankful for the things that make me happy and have the discipline to not stress over the things i can't control
13. stop clinging to who i think i "should be" or who "i am" and just be.
and so that is my new mantra: just be
*deep breath*
ready? you bet.
feeling: reflective
listening to: Joseph Arthur - In the Sun
posted by catherine w. at 12:35 AM
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